we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
