You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
