I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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