Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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