i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
