Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize