At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
