she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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