I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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