This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
