Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize