And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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