if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
