the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
