He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
