Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
