This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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