Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
