it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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