i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
