That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
