ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
