i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
