I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
