You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
