Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
