So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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