I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
