hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my being single is dangerous.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
