Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
