I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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