I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
