Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
