So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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