I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
