the condom got lost in my hair
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
