best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
