She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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