: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
