I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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