so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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