i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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