im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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