If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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