he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
