Got a toothbrush?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
