Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
