WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
