Already got asked if we're dating
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
