Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize