I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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