tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
