...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize