Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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