Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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