I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
