so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
