He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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