I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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