I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
