I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
