Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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