I'm so fucking centered right now
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
