I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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