Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The air taste purple.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
