I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize