I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
