my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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