Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
