Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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