let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
