woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize