Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
