Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
