Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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