She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
