just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pants are for mortals
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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