So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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