I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
