FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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