took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
