i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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