you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
