like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
