um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
