you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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