you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
