my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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