I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
