I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
