The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
