there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
