He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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