either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
