so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize