So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how does that bad decision feel?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
