why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
