You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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