And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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