just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize