Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
