we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
