Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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