Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
