Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize