Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dick very happy bro
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
