1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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