someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
