That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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