ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
