he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
