I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
