Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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