I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize