if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
